It's been awhile.
Okay, fine. Not "a while". Probably about 7 months.
The last 7 months has been the most spiritually rewarding 7 months in my life, I would say. And I thank God for that.
I have realized and learnt things about myself, about life, about God and Jesus, about people.
But after all that, this feeling comes back again. The only thing that has changed drastically is the relationship between me a God and perhaps this time things will be different.No, not perhaps. It will.
Maybe it's because of this need for love, to feel loved and to love. Because no matter how much I say I'm able to put up with the lack of love given to myself, I would still want to feel loved and appreciated like how any other human being would feel. It is inevitable. We still feel it, even if our hearts are as hard and cold as a rock.
Okay, fine. Not "a while". Probably about 7 months.
The last 7 months has been the most spiritually rewarding 7 months in my life, I would say. And I thank God for that.
I have realized and learnt things about myself, about life, about God and Jesus, about people.
But after all that, this feeling comes back again. The only thing that has changed drastically is the relationship between me a God and perhaps this time things will be different.No, not perhaps. It will.
Maybe it's because of this need for love, to feel loved and to love. Because no matter how much I say I'm able to put up with the lack of love given to myself, I would still want to feel loved and appreciated like how any other human being would feel. It is inevitable. We still feel it, even if our hearts are as hard and cold as a rock.
And then you wonder, how do people actually see me? in what light? Because it seems that your presence doesn't feel like enough.
Occasionally there's also that time when you realize that the people you love and hurt for the most just doesn't see the love you give in the way that you actually want them to. But before you can do anything(and even if you try) it doesn't work and only tugs little by little at that little wound that sometimes opens up into insecurity.
Occasionally there's also that time when you realize that the people you love and hurt for the most just doesn't see the love you give in the way that you actually want them to. But before you can do anything(and even if you try) it doesn't work and only tugs little by little at that little wound that sometimes opens up into insecurity.
It's just that sometimes it feels a bit hard to not know where you belong when the people you know seem to be finding new houses to live in. And life is like that. Things change,people leave, new things come. It's funny to think I won't cry again but I will.
But you know, even though I feel like that I'm still going to give out love because I already have the greatest giver of love in my life. Infact, I have love. Nothing else is constant except Him. So yes, I can cry for people and myself but at the end of the day I still stand with a smile because I know the most important person in my life hasn't and will never leave me. And that's all I need to survive and feel true happiness.
Good night peeps.
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