153- over the years

I haven't been writing for a long while. Slowly, I feel like my English is going to deteriorate very soon and that is obviously a bad idea because English is the only fluent language I can speak and write. Despite that fact, it's still pretty damn bad English.

So before I forget how to write properly I thought I better start blogging so that my brain cells don't continue being a couch potato right before Uni starts next month.

I stumbled across this image as I was catching up on Jing Na's(zemotion) blog. She's an inspiring photographer with great talent. I love her style, color schemes and how her photos all have a painterly feel to it.

Back to the topic, the passage above really struck me somewhere inside because it is something that all of us people who creatively strive in our work feel. I'm not very good with words but that passage sums it up. I feel so thankful that someone had actually taken the time to put into words what all of us feel. As I read it I can recall the phases I had went through 6 years. And no, it's still not enough. Infact, it's never enough.

It was just a hobby at first. The moment I saw my cousin uploading hers stuff on deviantART I was so captured I wanted to create what all these people created. I don't believe I have talent because the truth is..I don't. A person with talent would've have already been able to surpass my level of drawing after 6   years. (technically 4). More importantly I believe talent is not all you need to be good at something. Sure it play some part and you benefit from it but you still have to learn and practice. There's always  more knowledge.

I was horrible at it. I think I can vomit blood if I took a look at my old drawings. Infact, I'll put one up here LOL. (for fun)

I loved that piece a lot. I remember I put it in the front of my file when I was 12. And I carried it in my hands on the bus to school, after school..FML #embarrassingpast

After awhile I realised how many people were so much better than me. It always put me down. Everything I did eventhough it looked good to me, was bad compared to what I wanted to achieve. After 2 years I gave up for almost 1 and a half years of no drawing just merely doodles. I always ran away but when it came down to a point where I felt depressed and shocked, only two things kept me alive: God and drawing.

It made me feel like I has someone to talk to. Not that I don't have friends or don't like talking to people. Everytime I try saying what I feel no one would get my point. It's harder to talk. I do admit, I've found a few people that understand some things in life on the same level as me and I'm thankful to have them in my life. After I moved to Australia I started drawing a lot in school and at home. A substitute for a friend and company. I draw in the library.

I went through countless artblocks and just last year I felt like quitting drawing again. It happens all the time. I don't know how to explain it...No matter how much I want to ditch drawing..I'd feel like I can't live without it at the end of the day. That passion is what helps me strive to continue to improve.

This year I ran away less from things I disliked. Figure drawing, noses, hands, feet, observation. It's never fun at first but the joy of mastering it a little more and seeing myself improve is always enough to encourage me to keep going. So don't throw away your old sketchbooks. One day it'll encourage you to  be a better artist.

Even now...it's not enough 

But I still won't give up. 

One day it'll pay off