140- I've been walking

Summer Despair by *tsulala @ deviantART

It's been 3 years. Nearly three years.
Back then I was innocent. Gathered by a big group of people; half of them whom probably don't know what I'm doing now. Infact, it may be the whole bunch.
Before I came here I promised to not change but that definitely didn't happen. I loved the life I lead and I didn't it to change. I wanted the same lifestyle, the same happiness. I was close minded.

During my first year here I felt like I couldn't do anything. I was too comfortable and well fed in my previous life. I had friends that came easily. I had confidence to make friends because I felt like I had a superiority in that country; the one I lived in for the last 14 years. Flying into Australia, I felt inferior. Is this what all immigrants feel like? I lost all my confidence. Making friends wasn't a skill I had. I wasn't outspoken. I tried my best though but my first day of school was horrible. I ate my lunch in the toilet because I was too scared to be seen sitting alone. Because I was accustomed to being around people it felt almost abnormal to be sitting by myself. I met a few new people over the few days but I couldn't communicate properly. People saw me as a quiet person. The goody two shoes. I would draw often because I didn't have guts to start a conversation and avoided gazes and eye contacts. During lunch I wouldn't talk to anyone so I got fed up and starting going to the library to draw. I felt most comfortable there. I thought I could make through the year by avoiding people but my friends were all getting on with life. Left out as though I wasn't fit enough to keep up with the race.

The first year I tried playing with knives on my skin. God saved me through realization. The next year came and I met a few other immigrants. I thought that maybe I could communicate with them more openly. I tried my best to talk as much as I could on my first visit and who knew by the end of the year I've met a whole bunch of people. New people came into my school, I wanted to welcome them because I knew how it felt to be out of place. In time, I felt like I gained a bit of superiority in the community thus, confidence started creeping in.

This year.. I look back with my mouth gaped open and how much things have changed. I don't avoid lunch instead I'm surrounded by good genuine friends. We talk, laugh and do silly stuff. The first year, I didn't have anyone. My birthday was spent alone. I had no presents which of course I didn't mind but it felt a bit weird. This year we went out for dinner and a movie. I have friends that see me for who I am and the ones I've just met are just as good as the ones in my previous life. They may be different but aren't we all? I'm glad I have people by my side now. I've walked this far and I will walk further. Was weak but now I'm stronger.